Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Ted Kennedy joins the Village People

The senate is debating passing a constitutional amendment which will ban gay marriage in all fifty states. The bill is strongly supported by the president and conservative republicans who oppose giving individual states the right to redefine the family.

The white house issued the following statement to the press, "The administration believes that the future of marriage in America should be decided through the democratic constitutional amendment process, rather than by the court orders of a few. After all, the bible says Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve."

The future of the bill looks bleak with democrats and moderate Republicans opposing the ridiculous measure. Never the less, Senator Ted Kennedy (D. Mass) feels the need to take a strong stance to assure that the amendment will not pass. In a statement issued to the press this morning, Kennedy has announced that he will wear leather pants to the senate floor every day until the bill is struck down.

Kennedy said this to reporters at this morning's press conference, "The Republican leadership is asking us to spend time writing bigotry into the Constitution. I feel I need to put a human face on this for my colleagues across the aisle, that is why I will wear leather pants to work from here on out." When asked by reporters if this meant that Kennedy was in fact homosexual, he replied, "Hell no, but I do enjoy listening to Elton John from time to time."

Kennedy's fellow Senators had mixed reactions when a leather clad Kennedy reported to the senate floor at 11a.m. this morning. Barbara Boxer (D. Ca) said, "I think he looks completely foxy." After saying this, she put two fingers in her mouth and let out a loud whistle.

Norm Coleman (R. MN) said, "I can only think of one way to describe it. From the back he looked like two black hefty bags that had been stuffed to capacity with human brains."

After seeing Senator Kennedy walk by, Senator Orrin Hatch (R. UT) had this to say, "MY EYES! MY EYES! Someone give me something to poke out my eyes!"

At the close of business, Senator Kennedy reported that the leather pants were uncomfortably hot, "I don't know how the gays walk around in these things. This is just one more way that gays face and overcome adversity every day."

Editors Note: I am in favor of legalized gay marriage. Check out Ted Kennedy's man breast.


I was abducted by aliens said...

Still laughing - and getting a hernia from it.

Red Tulips said...

You have officially blinded me, with that picture!