Thursday, June 15, 2006

The Scandal Now being Called "Shadesgate"

President Bush personally apologized yesterday to a reporter for a joke that he made referencing the reporter's sunglasses. During a Rose Garden press conference, President Bush asked L.A. Times reporter Peter Wallsten if he was going to ask his questions with his "shades on." The President then quipped that for the viewers there was no sun.

It was later revealed to the President that Wallsten suffers from a form of macular degeneration and must wear the sunglasses to protect his eyes from glare.

Upon learning this, the President called Wallsten on his cellular phone to apologize. The President told Wallsten that he "needles" the White House Press corp out of affection. Wallsten reassured the President that there was no need for apology and that he should feel free to "needle away."

The President responded by saying, "Well then shadesboy, the next time you ask me a question about Karl Rove, I'm going to take a needle and jam it right into your spine." Wallsten reported that the before ending the conversation, the President laughed maniacally and said, "Hey Pete, how many fingers am I holding up?"

The President is known for his jocularity with the White House Press Corp. Below are some "funnies" that the President made today at the expense of senior reporter Helen Thomas:

-If your hair is so processed that even Miss Clairol says, "Give it a rest"- you might be Helen Thomas.
-If your head is so empty, that when you pick your nose you have to watch out for the vacuum - you might be Helen Thomas.
-If your mouth is so big that John Walsh goes in there looking for missing kids - you might be Helen Thomas.
-If you are so fat that your mouth and your ass are in different zip codes - you might be Helen Thomas.
-If you keep showing up at White House Press Conferences, even though you haven't been called on in three years - you might be Helen Thomas.
-If people frequently mistake you for some helium sucking birthday boy - you might be Helen Thomas.

The President encouraged others to chime in with their "You Might be Helen Thomas" jokes, but time ran out. Helen Thomas told fellow reporters that she is still waiting for her apology from the President.

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