Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Namibian Cesarean

Reports have confirmed that Angelina Jolie delivered a healthy 7lb baby girl by cesarean section at the Cottage Medi-Clinic located in Namibia. Doctor's present at the birth said that the birth went "flawlessly".

Jolie's American Doctor, Dr. Jason Rothbart had this comment for reporters following the birth, "Everything came off without a hitch. Angelina's makeup and hair looked fabulous throughout the entire procedure."

Female staff members were less taken with American heartthrob Brad Pitt. One medical assistant, speaking under condition of anonymity had this to say, "We all thought he would be hot, but up close he's just ugly and a little effeminate."

Pitt and Jolie raised eyebrows with their choice to deliver their daughter in Namibia. Head of Obstetrics at Mt Sinai hospital, Dr. Pierre Upyur Kooch (P.U. Kooch M.D.) commented, "I don't see what everyone is so upset about. Namibia is a great place to deliver a child if you can get past the dysentery and tribal warfare. Oh, and the flies are a little off putting."

True to celebrity form, Jolie and Pitt decided to name their child something stupid - Shiloh Nouvel. Brad Pitt told reporters, "Yeah, its always been a dream of mine to have a child and name it after Neil Diamond's imaginary friend." (obscure song reference)

During a White House press conference, reporters asked President Bush if he had any well wishes for the couple and he had this to say, "The next person who uses the term Brangelina in the White House is going to get a bullet between the eyes."

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