Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Bill Clinton Uses Mouth to Make Cash in 2006

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton's financial disclosure documents, which were released earlier today, revealed that her husband, former President and sexaholic Bill Clinton had made over 7.5 million dollars for various speaking engagements during 2006.

Clinton was paid a reported $675,00 for addressing a two day seminar given by motivational guru, Tony Robbins. In an interview given last year, Clinton said he did the engagement as a personal favor to Tony Robbins, "The money is nice, but working with Tony is hardly like working. His large teeth are so damn motivating."

Clinton was also paid $800,000 by Gold Star International for a four day South American speaking tour. In a man on the street interview, construction worker Tony Perrelli responded to Clinton's heavy speaking fee, "What the heck is he talking about for 800 grand? Unless of course he has his own slideshow from the whitehouse. I might pay to see that."

Clinton's spokesman Jay Carson assured the public that Clinton's paid speaking engagements took a back seat to his various philanthropic activities, "Between the foundation and work on Katrina and the tsunami, paid speeches are actually a very small part of his schedule, of course he also has to have time to commit lots of adultery."

The report disclosed that the former President had made a significant amount of money from other endeavors which included:
- Official Spokesman for Girls Gone Wild - Uncensored
- Undisclosed sums of blackmail and extortion
- Selling the rights to his quotables "I did not have sexual relations with that woman." and "I did have sexual relations with that woman, and it was wrong." to Motorola to be used as ringtones.
- Cover Model for Sluts of the Whitehouse 2007 calendar. Look for him in an Uncle Sam hat and not much else as Mr. July.

Senator Hillary Clinton said in an interview late this morning that she was happy for Bill and his success and she looks forward to inheriting the money when he dies under suspicious circumstances.


An alien observer said...

I'm sure he'll make a mint too on his soon to be released book, "I Had Sex With Aliens in Area 51."

Steven said...

Nice picture! :)

ChiefMommy Owl said...

Thanks, I took that personally during one of our rendevous.