Tuesday, June 27, 2006

When Flags are Sexy

A proposed constitutional amendment to ban desecration of the flag lost in the Senate today. The Senators voted 66-34 in favor of the amendment, just one vote shy of the 2/3 majority needed to pass the measure.

There was some temporary confusion. After, the final count was read, Senator George Allen, Republican from the great state of Virginia, jumped up on his chair yelling, "Yee Haw we won, we won! Ratification Baby, In Your Faces!"

Senior Senator John Warner, R-VA, quickly set Allen straight by saying, "We lost you hayseed. Why don't you go read a third grade social studies book."

In a press conference this afternoon, a disappointed President Bush made his feelings known, "Which of these idiots actually voted yes for desecration of the flag? You go tell Joe Biden (Senator Joseph Biden, D-DE) that if he likes desecrating the flag so much, he should feel free to wrap himself in one and jump into the nearest landfill."

During an interview, Hillary Clinton was told about the President's harsh words, "Well, I certainly understand why the President would be upset, but I just couldn't, in good conscience, vote for a constitutional amendment which would effectively ban flags being made into rugged shirts. I mean there is nothing sexier than a man wearing a rugged flag shirt. Am I right ladies?"

When reporters told Senator Biden about the President's words, he had this to say,"I don't know what the heck he's pickin on me for, John Kerry didn't vote for the dumb amendment either. Go tell John Kerry to jump into a landfill. I just can't go home and tell my wife I voted for an amendment which would make her 1776 throw pillows illegal, and tell the President that the Tuesday racquetball game is OFF!"

Amendment Champion Senator Orrin Hatch (R-UT) wore a big smile as he addressed reporters after the vote, "Well, we lost one for Old Glory today, but I'm sure that the flag would be very proud of our efforts. I'm sure the flag would want to look us all in the eye and say, 'Thanks for sticking up for this grand old flag!' Of course, I can't really be sure what the flag would say, because flags can't talk. Unless, of course, you make them into puppets."

Etiquette expert Peggy Post told a group of ladies at an American Daughters of the Revolution Luncheon, "I'm really pissed off that this amendment didn't pass. The people of the United States are woefully ignorant of flag etiquette. I drive down the streets and think, 'Why don't people know how to hang up a f*&$ing flag?!'"

Why, indeed Peggy?
See this website for FAQ on flag etiquette:


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the flag link Oh Strange One! I was wondering why the flag on the White House has been upside down for over 4 years - it's a distress signal! LOL!!!

Red Tulips said...

This has to be your best post yet. You are hysterical!