Monday, October 16, 2006

Material Girl is the Latest to Jump on Fashion Bandwagon

Entertainment Industry insiders are reporting that Madonna will be the latest celebrity to be sporting this fall's hottest fashion accessory - small African children.

Following in the footsteps of big lipped, homewrecking, trend setting actress Angelina Jolie, Madonna will tiptoe down the red carpet this season with a fabulous baby boy from Malawi to set off her collection of Vera Wang dresses.

E! Entertainment fashion maven Joan Rivers commented on the trend on her primetime E! Fashion program airing Thursday nights. Rivers told audiences that she expected most celebrities will be sporting African children by the time Oscar season arrives. Rivers said, "African children are really the hot 'must-have' this season, just like the impractical clutch bag from last year. I predict Jennifer Lopez will be the next celeb to illegally remove a child from Africa."

Rivers caught up with child wearing model Heidi Klum outside of the Helmut Lang show during fashion week.
Rivers: This African child is just fabulous. He really pulls the whole outfit together. Who are you wearing?
Klum: This is Malib from the Somalian Cutsie Tutsie collection. Isn't he fun?
Rivers: He really does add an air of whimsy to your outfit. Will you be keeping him?
Klum: Oh heavens no, he's on loan from Todd Oldham for Unicef.

However, the new trend has not come without it's fair share of outcry from human rights groups. As of press time, the Malawi government was trying to block the Material Girl's adoption on several legal precedents. Malawi Minister of Family Affairs told reporters, "We can't just have celebrities shopping for children in Malawi like they would for Coach Bags. Let them go to the Sudan for that."

Trina Marina, from the People for the Ethical Treatment of Africans, has been one of the most vocal opponents of the trend. She told BabyOwls in a phone interview, "This is outrageous. Should a human rights group really have to tell Madonna not to wear Africans as accessories? If you ask me, she's a big publicity ho-bag."

Madonna has been swift to respond to these allegations. She defended her decision to adopt the child, named David Banda, in a press conference yesterday. "I don't feel I should have to defend my decision to bring a child into my loving family. David, who we will rename Shlomo in line with our Jewish Heritage, is a full fledged member of our family in addition to being a faboo fashion accessory. No one can ever say that Madonna is a publicity ho-bag."

Reporters asked Madonna how her other children are adjusting to the new family member. A gushing Madonna replied, "Great, Lourdes is getting a little pouty because I won't let her wear Sholmo to school. But, I told her, not until she's twelve."

Reporters asked Madonna if she would be doing any fundraising for African causes. Madonna replied, "In honor of Shlomo joining our family, I will be donating 5% of the proceeds from my newest single 'Be My Jesus' directly to Sally Field."

A stunned Sally Field had this to say to reporters, "I have no idea why she's giving the money to me. Maybe she just really likes me."

The smash hit 'Be My Jesus' is the latest single from the controversial album, "Songs to Offend the Worlds' Major religions." Christian leaders have been quick to take Madonna to task for the catchy chorus of the 'Be My Jesus' tune which reads: Be My Jesus Boy if you dare/Nail me on Your Cross wearing Thong Underwear.

When asked for his comment on the Madonna song, Pope Benedict said, "Umm, I don't care."

Madonna earned harsh criticism from Jewish leaders following the release of the album's first single "Tie me Up and Call Me Esther." Despite the criticism, the song's line I cry Oy Vey when you touch that way enjoyed a short stint as a popular culture catch phrase used by such celebrities as Foxy Brown and Tony Bennett.

The next single, which is sure to set off worldwide embassy burnings, is the Muslim flavored "Ride my camel from Mecca to Medina." The song features rapper 50 cent rapping the line You wear the Hijab and I'll give the She-Job.

Other expected releases include the ballad "Skinny Dipping in your Holy Waters" and the techno beat "Hindu me All Night."

O.K. Kids, who will it be? Who will claim the "funniest blogger in the family"crown? Comment on this blog to vote for Sara. Comment here to vote for Sid. May the best Woman win.


Anonymous said...

Sorry Sid, your sister wins! And she said you're scum. Really! She said it during a phone call from Africa! She's there snitching little children to sell to celebrities.

mist1 said...

I have got to get one of those babies. How much does it cost to get one without worms?

Anonymous said...

Very, very funny. It does seem to be a trend. I bet Kathie Lee is next!!

Sara's Varolo Village said...

I bet Kathie Lee is next!!

I'll alert interpol.

Sara :)

Anonymous said...

It could be worse, Tom Cruise could be trying to adopt the kid.

Anonymous said...

Well, I think it's safe to say we both garnered the lowest comment rates we've ever pulled thanks to this little competition. I'm not exactly ready to concede defeat, so I say we do this again with a little more build-up.

Unless you're chicken or something...


Anonymous said...

Tiny puppy dogs or small children...hmmm...

Both fashion movements are equally annoying ot me. ;)


Anonymous said...

Is there going to be a stickman contest between the siblings? Please!!!

Sara's Varolo Village said...

Thanks for the comments everyone. Sometimes I'm scared of what Madonna might do next. She really keeps on pusing me to the Borderline.

O.K. that wasn't funny. I'll shut the f--- up.


Anonymous said...


Red Tulips said...

Hey, nothing's wrong with bringing back a little souvenir from Africa! ;-)