Zacharias Who?

In a surprise move, Osama Bin Laden released a tape yesterday which not only alluded to his whereabouts, but vindicated supposed 9/11 conspirator Zacharias Moussaoui .

Concerning his location, Bin Laden said, "I know you guys are all looking really hard for me. Keep looking for me in those caves in Afghanistan. You're really warm. Don't waste your time looking around in Butte Montana, I'm definitely nowhere near Butte Montana."

Speaking about convicted 9/11 conspirator Zacharias Moussaoui, Bin Laden had this to say, "Frankly, I don't know who the heck this guy is. Have you seen his picture? I don't even think he's a Muslim."

In light of this startling evidence, Zacharias Moussaoui has been forced to finally admit that he had nothing to do with the 9/11 attacks on NYC or the Pentagon. "O.K., so maybe I didn't have anything to do with 9/11., but I did shoot JFK."

Frustrated prosecutors had this to say, "We just wish that this moron would stop confessing to things. First it was 9/11, last night he claimed to be the unabomber and this morning he is swearing his name is Timothy McVey. We're not sure what to do with this guy."

In an unprecedented move, Judge Harry F. Kirby has decided to leave Moussaoui's fate up to the American public. Judge Kirby said to the Associated Press this morning, "We are asking the public to tune into American Idol tonight. If that sexpot Katherine McPhee wins, we'll deport Moussaoui, and if the creepy white haired guy wins we'll shoot him.

Tune into to American Idol tonight 8/7 est.